Honesty from Second Degree Friends

I honestly don't recall what got me thinking about this yesterday, but it seems to me like we should have a single day (I think February 7th - exactly one week prior to Valentines Day) where we are obligated to tell the truth to people dating our friends.

On more than one occasion, friends of girls that I've dated have come up to me after we broke up to tell me "Thank God! She's an abuser/user/emotional black-hole/psychotic/etc." Even my best friend told me after-the-fact how I dodged the bullet when a relationship with his wife's best friend failed to get off the ground (his wife's obligation was to her friend, and his obligation was to his wife - so I really can't fault him).

I'm guilty of it too, but for a more selfish reason. A female friend of mine started dating this guy. I've known this girl for a long time (actually we used to date and some of her friends came forward after we broke up to tell me how lucky I was to be out of that particular relationship) and as such she turns to me as the stop-gap when she's between boyfriends. Her troubles with alcohol and drugs have had their wear-and-tear on our friendship, so when this boyfriend called me for advice about her, I lied. I told him to hang in there/she really liked him/ if she was going to change, it would be for him (I honestly hoped this would be true but I also knew change was unlikely until she experienced severe personal loss). I'm not proud of it, but I was tired of going out for drinks only to have the night turn into a hunt to score some coke that I didn't want to do in the first place but usually ended up paying for.

In hind sight, if I had told the truth and they broke up, I probably would have lost her as a friend, but saved the both of them from mutual physical and emotional abuse. So if you're reading this, mark your calendars and give me a call on Feb 7, I'll give it to you straight! The rest of the time though, I gotta support my friend, you know how it is!