Honesty from Second Degree Friends

I honestly don't recall what got me thinking about this yesterday, but it seems to me like we should have a single day (I think February 7th - exactly one week prior to Valentines Day) where we are obligated to tell the truth to people dating our friends.

On more than one occasion, friends of girls that I've dated have come up to me after we broke up to tell me "Thank God! She's an abuser/user/emotional black-hole/psychotic/etc." Even my best friend told me after-the-fact how I dodged the bullet when a relationship with his wife's best friend failed to get off the ground (his wife's obligation was to her friend, and his obligation was to his wife - so I really can't fault him).

I'm guilty of it too, but for a more selfish reason. A female friend of mine started dating this guy. I've known this girl for a long time (actually we used to date and some of her friends came forward after we broke up to tell me how lucky I was to be out of that particular relationship) and as such she turns to me as the stop-gap when she's between boyfriends. Her troubles with alcohol and drugs have had their wear-and-tear on our friendship, so when this boyfriend called me for advice about her, I lied. I told him to hang in there/she really liked him/ if she was going to change, it would be for him (I honestly hoped this would be true but I also knew change was unlikely until she experienced severe personal loss). I'm not proud of it, but I was tired of going out for drinks only to have the night turn into a hunt to score some coke that I didn't want to do in the first place but usually ended up paying for.

In hind sight, if I had told the truth and they broke up, I probably would have lost her as a friend, but saved the both of them from mutual physical and emotional abuse. So if you're reading this, mark your calendars and give me a call on Feb 7, I'll give it to you straight! The rest of the time though, I gotta support my friend, you know how it is!

UFOs and Polar Bears

After seeing this headline concerning France declassifying UFO reports (the French website is here but high traffic has already crashed its servers once),I thought I would share my own UFO sighting story.

About two years ago, a friend of mine had a miscarriage. She and her husband were very excited about having their first child. Knowing them as well as I do, they didn't even have to tell me she was pregnant; I knew it as soon as they suggested we get together for dinner, when they planned to tell me, and my suspicion was confirmed the moment I saw her. Over the next couple of months after the miscarriage, it seemed like everyone around her was getting pregnant. One Sunday evening, she called to ask if she could come over. One of her husbands closest friends had just called to say that he and his wife were expecting as well, and my friend REALLY needed to get out of the house, have a cigarette, and rant to someone (her husband, also my good friend, was in Law School at the time, and would of course have comforted his wife when he needed to be concentrating on his school work).

Anyway, as we talked, and I mostly listened, I became distracted by an object in the sky. It appeared to be hovering so I took an interest thinking if might be coming towards or heading away from us. After a couple of minutes I pointed it out to my friend, as it wasn't getting larger or smaller, just hanging there in the sky. It hung there for a couple minutes more, then abruptly shot off out of sight. We were astounded! Now, I'm not saying it was alien, but it was a UFO to me (by definition an Unidentified Flying Object).

So, what does this have to do with polar bears? I was thinking of making a post with this comparison, even before seeing the UFO story. Recently, an abandoned polar bear cub (now named Knut) was adopted by the Berlin Zoo. This has created a lot of debate with certain animal rights groups, who feel that the Zoo has interfered with the natural selection process by not allowing the incredibly cute cub to die as it otherwise would have. The debate stems from the mother abandoning Knut and his twin, who died of exposure, and the Zoo resorting to hands on nurturing of the little guy. They feel that this unnatural rearing will result in Knut being incapable of a normal polar bear life.

So do these people (the animal activist) think that Zoo life is a realistic recreation of wild polar bear habitat, and that should all the polar bears be released to the wild, which isn't going to happen anyway, the transition will have no effect on the bears - they'll be behaviorally identical to their wild born and raised counterparts? When did they develop this prime directive to the exclusion of the animals health and continued living?

So the conclusion is this: Perhaps alien life forms do exist, and like these animal rights people, they're taking a watch and see approach; they could intervene and help us keep from destroying ourselves and the planet we live on, but that intervention would upset the natural progression of the path we've set ourselves on. After all, homo sapiens have only been around for a relatively short while, and perhaps after we annihilate ourselves a superior sentient life may emerge in a couple of million years with whom the aliens will deign to interact.

Self Imposed Exile

So I live with my brother and this weekend his girlfriend came to visit. Until now, he's been going to see her and stay at her place, which gives me the house to myself so I like that just fine. I feel like I should give them their privacy so I volunteered to stay at a friends, to which my brother replied: "There's no need to do that. This is going to be a regular thing, so get used to it!" Not a direct quote, but pretty close. It's not like I was standing there with a steno pad or anything.

Anyway, I spent the weekend holed up in my room or the side room where my computer is. Besides giving them their privacy, another reason I isolated myself is so I wouldn't have any info when getting the third degree from our mom about what all went on! Oh, just so you know, my brothers girlfriend is also friends with our mom and grandmother, who have been trying to get one of us to date her for years. Even before they were dating, we'd see her just about any time we visited our mom, to whom she's been a good friend. They (mom and grandmother) finally backed off, so naturally thats when things sorta clicked for them (brother and his girlfriend).

The thing is, my brother is a very nice guy. He's dated, but not much, and it wouldn't surprise me if he were the big V - although I hope theres been a change in status. I think other people have the same impression because his love life is the talk of the town and I'm always getting hit up to spread the dirt. Also, his girlfriend is very attractive, and apparently when people see her picture or meet her for the first time they're somewhat shocked. Now there's a nice vote of confidence from your friends!

On the upside though, my brother has always been moms favorite. Since he's driven to her town for whole weekends without seeing her, I've moved up to the coveted No. 1 position without doing a thing! However, if this results in marriage and/or grandkids, I imagine my descent will be equally remarkable!

Geico Caveman site

This is a neat site. cavemancrib.com It incorporates a lot of elements from the Geico Caveman commercials. You can get a recipe for the Roasted Duck with Mango Salsa or hear tracks from the commercials like the popular "Remind Me" by Royksopp. Want to know more about the guy getting back together with his girlfriend in the balcony commercial? Check out the diary in the bedroom.

How to Waste a Day with Yahoo Answers

Wow, it is very easy to get sucked into Yahoo answers! In theory, its a great forum to get some outside input for diagnosing car repair, movie reviews, and the like. But c'mon! Do you really want to get your health related information from complete strangers? And for that matter do you really need someone to tell you to go the doctor when you've been experiencing pain/blood loss/blurred vision/ringing in your ears/swollen tongue/hallucinations/etc. for over a week?

The trick to yahoo answers is to figure out which category questions fall under:
1. Not a question, just want to say something stupid.
2. Not a real question, just want to ask something stupid.
3. A real question I could have easily googled.
4. A real question I need help with.
5. A homework assignment.

Obviously, #4 is the type of question you'd like to provide an answer for. My problem is that I get side-tracked with all the goofy stuff, reporting the offenders (caustic comments, inappropriate questions {ie flame baiting, trolling}, spammers) etc. But #5 is usually the really interesting stuff that you haven't thought about in years, so you brush up on it then post your thought-out reply. The problem is the addiction comes from wanting to be acknowledged for your reasoned, well thought out answers. You find yourself repeatedly checking your answers for votes cast. And heaven forbid your answer should lose to some poorly worded tripe from someone who doesn't know where the spellcheck icon is!

But maybe that's just me!

Suck Ass Management

So, why am I tired of working for corporate america? Suck Ass Management! I've had some great managers, but one in particular was such a little bitch that I'd hate to find myself in the same situation again. Don't get me wrong, I've liked the vast majority of the managers I've worked for, but this guy had all the wrong personality traits for management:

1. He was stupid but thought he was intelligent. When Katrina was bearing down on New Orleans he asked how come the air force didn't just drop a nuke on the hurricane and blow it up!

2. Obviously played favorites. More than once this guy came to the bar with a full head of steam to chew me out about something. There was an attractive female bartender I worked with, and when it came to light she was the one who had done whatever that pissed him off, he fizzled out.

3. He was a control freak. Previous managers considered me to be effectively another manager due to my experience and tenure, and basically had me manage the bar (training, inventory, ordering, repairs, etc). When this guy took over, he made it abundantly apparent that I was not a manager, and not allowed to make any decisions. But, whenever something went wrong, I was the one who got chewed out although the duties had been delegated to the appointed bar manager. (I remember him getting red in the face while screaming at me because we had run out of a particular chardonnay, never mind that we had 4 other labels. When I started to defend myself he screamed "Shut Up! Just Listen!" I put the biggest smile on my face, and didn't say another word. When he finished, I turned and left, still without speaking. Hours later I could hear him screaming to other people "...and he just stood there and smiled!" It made me feel warm and fuzzy!)

4. No sense of decorum. My guests at the bar witnessed him chewing out me and other employees. I wasn't there but I heard about customers complaining after a particularly spectacular melt-down!

So you get the idea: this guy had it in for me. Then one day I come in and he asks: "You got a minute? I just want to give you some positive feedback." I'm shocked; this will be a nice change. He says to me "You've got a reputation for being able to talk to anyone. You've got a story for every occasion." This is true, and I think it's a great talent for a bartender who can read when customers want to be entertained. It gives the guest a sense of belonging, and makes them feel welcome, as if they're a guest and not just another customer. He continues to say "some would call that a bull-shitter, and I'm going to need you to stop!" Are you kidding me?! How is this POSITIVE feedback?

Now here's the funny thing: I was convinced it was only a matter of time before I got fired or told this guy to go fuck himself and get fired/quit. The day he announced he was leaving (I think in part to that afore-mentioned spectacular melt-down) I realized I had the biggest smile on my face and struggled to hide it. So he leaves and we get this young kid who's a family friend of the area director (not exactly nepotism, but close enough). Within 2 month's I'm fired for stealing because I forgot to ring in 2 beers for a customer (personally, I'm shocked I forgot to ring them in, but the kid thought it was intentional because I hadn't missed anything else from any of my other guests. Just to illustrate my innocence, when friends of mine came into the bar and I was going to take care of their check, I still rang in everything knowing it was coming out of my pocket. There's no way I would give away anything to a practical stranger.)

So there you have it. I love bar tending, especially building a clientele of regular customers by making them feel welcome. Many people have told me I was the best they've ever seen, and many have contacted me to say they've stopped going to the place I worked because I'm no longer there, and will start going to where-ever I should choose to work. I'll hear of openings at other places and my initial reaction is to go apply, then I stop and think about these events. Do I really want to put myself through that again?

A Little 'Bout Little 'Ol Me

I've been playing around with creating some sites and found that I needed one that didn't fit a certain mold or theme; one where I could post random rants or links that I wanted.

Additionally, you'll notice some AdSense advertising laying around. I figure if you're going to have a site then what harm does it do to try to monetize it a bit. I don't expect these links to make me rich, but a few pennies a day will add up to that first check. Likewise, you'll notice my AGLOCO banner at the bottom. It doesn't cost anything to join, so why not make some extra money while you're surfing the web.

If you're wondering about the sites name, it isn't that it's going to deal primarily with conservation, or how we're wrecking the environment, but knowing me as well as I do, I'm sure quite a few posts will concern these issues. No, I accidentally coined this phrase on the ride from Islip to East Hampton. It was my first time visiting the area where my good friends live and I was inquiring about a stretch of woodlands that apparently had been decimated by fire and gypsy moth infestation. My friends got a kick out of the phrase, and I liked the sound of it and knew I wanted to use it at some point of time. It'd be a great name for a bar but you'd be inviting narcotics officers to set up permanent residence.

Granted, if you're doing nothing wrong then you have nothing to worry about. But having worked in many bars for many years I've come to realize you can't watch everything at all times. When you turn your back, someone you've served for years is going to get it in their head that they can do something extremely stupid. I love bartending, but it can be a hassle (seriously, why do you think people tell their troubles to their bartender? It's because we have seen EVERYTHING!), so I've decided to only do it for myself. That is, no more busting my hump to make money for someone else.